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Lots of Disinformation

Wow, there's a lot of disinformation in this thread. I understand how bitter people get when they lose custody of their children, particularly when it seems the system was unfair. But here are a few facts about the way divorce and custody typically works.

1. The house is usually awarded to the parent who ends up with custody. This isn't to "reward" that parent, but to protect the interest of the child in the property, so he/she doesn't have to lose his/her home as well as splitting up the family. It is an attempt by the system to decrease the amount of trauma a child faces during and after a divorce.

2. Child support is awarded by the court from the noncustodial parent for the support of his or her child, not for the benefit of the custodial parent. I understand that there are many people who misuse child support, but the noncustodial parent isn't "supporting" the other family; that parent is supporting his or her child. You would have to support your children if you were with the other parent. Why should you not be expected to do so if you are divorced?

3. Most states have a standard percentage of the noncustodial parent's wages awarded for child support. For example, for one child, it's 20%. The second child adds 16%. Yes, it's a lot of money, but you would have to pay for the child if you had custody, as well.

4. Lawyers lie. Spouses lie. Children lie. And, most importantly, the court system is so backed up it is difficult to handle all the cases. Some exes are scum-sucking pigs and others were models of decency. But guess what? Scum-sucking pigs can end up with custody and models of decency can get shafted.

I know the system is unfair. The American adversarial system is not designed to handle family affairs. If two people go to court in a contracts dispute, they walk away from the litigation and never have to see each other again. But once you have children with someone, you are stuck with that person for life. So, we still go to court, try to destroy each other, the judge makes a decision which displeases at least one party, and then the parties are supposed to walk out the door and work together in the best interest of the child. That's a difficult thing to do, but there are no other choices.


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